Thinking about this post, and the responses to it, I began searching my soul even more for what true beauty is. What *I* think beauty is.
What makes a woman beautiful and appealing?
- Wisdom
- Compassion
- Joy
- Selflessness
- Smarts
- The ability to laugh at herself
- A woman who can be, not only comfortable in her own skin, but own it and love it.
And gray hair.
I've got a few.
Do you?
I look at those hairs as a badge of my growth and maturity in life.
And right now, at this stage in my life, I'm not covering them up… nor do I want to. I actually find them quite beautiful and like to search them out in the mirror.
Gray hair – women who "rock" their grays – that is beauty to me.
Woman with gray hair always appear authentic and confident.
And those two qualities are beauty in my eyes.
{two ladies from my Mom's church}
{Paula Dean}
{Emmy Lou Harris}
In the coming days I'll be sharing more about my definition of {real} beauty.
What is yours?
Filed under Fashion, Talking by . 18 Comments. 
The weather broke.
I saw robins today.
Greeted neighbors with a smile and friendly word about the beautiful weather.
Everyone seems so happy.
My dog walked with me. 10 years old and still going strong.
Geese flooded the little pond at the end of the neighborhood – their honks filled my ears and beckoned Jack to chase them.
It is all so so good.
But the best?
I'm physically able to get out and walk/jog again.
My body is still under an attack but it's winning the battle.
And the weather changing over can only help.
Filed under Show-Me-State Fun, Talking, running by . 9 Comments.
I was watching Oprah interview Jessica Simpson today about real beauty.
I was happy to see Jessica finally come out and accept an interview, talk about the "mom jean" controversy and some other things.
I blogged about her "mom jean" bashing and still believe that, although the jeans looked hideous, she didn't look overweight.
{not that being overweight should be the crime it has become.}
She also showed clips from her upcoming series {i plan to watch} about beauty around the world.
And after Lisa Ling's clip showing little {beautiful!} Chinese girls preferring the blond haired, blue eyed, big breasted Barbies to Chinese dolls it got me thinking about me.
I find Asian women to be insanely beautiful. Their long, thick jet black hair and beautiful almond shaped eyes and that skin… what isn't to love? They are exotic, to say the least, and perfect little noses. I've always found them so beautiful and if I could adopt a girl I would choose an Asian girl.
Yet many of them want to look like "western" women.
I thought about myself as a teen… even now, really. About how much I hated my looks. I hated my black hair, my white skin, my big nose.
It made me feel bad about myself when all these totally smoking hot, incredibly beautiful {by most people's standards} girls I worked with would get all the attention and looks from the boys.
I was totally insecure with my looks.
I didn't, and still don't, have the typical/standard good looks that some women have.
I've always been told my look is "different" and "unique".
And you know what I'd hear when people would say that?
ugly.
you.
are.
ugly.
…but I feel bad about telling you the truth, so I'll tell you something so that I don't have to be honest.
So I went from this…
To this…
Wanna know what?
guys loved it!
girls loved it.
everyone thought the "transformation" was great.
I turned heads. I turned hearts.
My eyes were happy when I'd look in the mirror.
I tanned a lot – too much.
I fried my hair with color and styling – but darned if I didn't look good.
And I felt good about myself.
Then I had kids.
I stopped fake baking.
I stopped coloring my hair.
My body never looked the same again.
And I turned back into that "before" picture, with long black hair – white skin – that just felt average.
But something happened with time and aging and maturity.
I grew into myself a little.
I began to see the beauty of my natural self.
There are things I'd change if I could.
My nose for one.
Still hate it. HATE it.
{don't lie and say my nose isn't big. i know it is. }
But now… now I look at my high cheek bones and see my Indian heritage.
I look at my dark, black hair and see my Great- Grandmother.
I look at my freckled {from the fake baking}, damaged skin and wish like heck that I wouldn't have sunned it as much as I did. I look back on my old pictures and now see how beautiful my creamy, white skin was. And I look at the skin I have now and wouldn't dream of baking it in the sun again.
I'm not totally there yet. Are we ever? Do we ever fully see the beauty of ourselves?
Yet, I have come a long way.
And now… now I look at pictures from my youth and recognized how pretty I really was.
Most importantly, I look at current pictures and accept that I have unique beauty — that "unique" doesn't mean "ugly".
Filed under Deep, Talking by . 35 Comments.
Jake {the bachelor} mentioned several times that he was himself with Vienna and I saw that during this season, too. He was silly and light hearted and seemed more comfortable in his skin around her. Though she wasn't my pick, I saw their connection and realness around each other.
{And seeing them on the 'after the final rose' show, I now think he made the right decision.}
Watching them together made me think of me and my husband.
I dated a few people before meeting my husband. And though there were special connections with those guys, something was always missing. I wasn't my true, authentic self with those boys like I am with my husband.
We were always so ourselves with each other, from the very beginning. I'm a super silly, light-hearted, funny, slightly sarcastic person and he not only brought those qualities/sides out in me, he shared those qualities too.
We've always been able to laugh and have a true friendship. Spending time with each other always lights our lives up. We are truly ourselves, and nothing else in the world matters when we're alone with one another.
I feel it's most important that, for a marriage to work, you have to be comfortable being yourself with your mate. And your mate must feel the same. And you both need to love who the other person is… their true self, their authentic self.
I'm so blessed that I have that with my husband.
I love him dearly.
For always.
And together we've created our silly little family.
I love that we're all silly together.
There's no tension.
Just laughter….mostly!
P.S.
It's a good thing my husband loves natural beauty because this is how I usually look — casual {the name of the blog and my twitter account really does fit me} and with no makeup {like here} or very little. We're both very low maintenance and it's so freeing! He loves me for me. For reals, people. *smile*
Filed under Deep, Family, Marriage by . 10 Comments.
He looks like how I've been feeling lately.
Spending special time with each of my boys brings about a smile to my entire being like I've almost forgotten about.
Each of them unique and special in their own ways.
Each of them enjoying different things and each of them bringing me a special kind of joy.
They need this alone time with their parents. They need the love that is allowed to be magnified when it's just you and him.
And I need it.
Want it.
Love it.
Love them.
Love this life with them.
They get so much from special time.
I get more.
Filed under Deep, Family, Kids by . 6 Comments.
{his pizza covered face got wiped approx. one full hour after dinner}
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{most nights you'll hear, "if you get up one more time i'm turning your ____ (tv, radio, lights) off." only i usually don't make good on my threats until about the 4th or 5th time.}
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{i get more pictures i cant use than pictures i can.}
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{you'll catch me watching t.v. more than i'd like to admit…}
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(he will be in the top 3…mark my words.)
{…when i should be spending more of my time reading these}
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{random thought: i'm not an ellen on AI fan. though i am typically an ellen fan.}
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{i don't mind washing and drying but i loathe folding!}
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{this is me tonight. i've got zits (!), no makeup and ugly PJs but you'd never know it by that extreme light. extreme lighting is my friend.}
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{my life in a teeny, tiny nutshell.}
.
.
my life in action below.
there's a lot of whining, volume and people in 'jammies'.
pretty typical of our life.
Filed under Family, Kids, Talking by . 8 Comments.
I love this woman.
She is my Mom.
She is talented and beautiful and has so much potential.
She is a great artist and chef.
If only she believed these things about herself.
We've been cooking up a lil' business together and are set to announce it soon. She is the talent behind the operation and without her there would be no business. I don't think she believes that some of the time but I'm certain she will soon – very soon.
Look at some of her incredibly tasty creations.
Yes, they do taste as good as they look. Even better, really.
{all gluten free}
I think she should start a local bakery – or even one online.
I think she should sell her artwork.
I think she should scrapbook more, because her books totally rock!
I think she should believe in herself the way she wants me to believe in myself.
Filed under Family by . 17 Comments.
if life were a race, i've been crawling along at a snails pace.
afraid to be who i'm called to be.
nervous of the bigness.
unsure of it – of me.
the years pass. i age.
time slips from my nervous grasp.
tugging and pulling, my heart is swayed.
i'm ready to listen.
to move.
to be.
for him. because of him.
in spite of myself.
Filed under Deep by . 4 Comments.
It is my greatest wish that I might be able to spare my children from the kind of pain that takes root, buries itself deeply and hangs around for a lifetime.
That I might be able to protect their little hearts and minds and souls from anything terrible or hurtful or painful.
And if not in my power to do such things, I wish for the strength and wisdom to stand with them through their pain and help them work through it, so that it doesn't bury itself so deeply that it can't be dug up and rooted out.
No matter – I'll always be there to support and love them through anything life sends their way.
Always.
Filed under Deep, Fashion, Kids by . 6 Comments.
I visited him today.
His family had been to see him recently, as the grave site was covered in valentine's decor.
The 'Dad' spelled out in pink and red and white flowers tugged on my already fragile emotions.
His face smiles back at me on the beautiful grave stone.
He had an incredible smile. Something I remember from the time I knew him many years ago. The kind of smile that made you smile.
I talked to him. I shared my heart. And my hopes. And my sorrow. And my wishes for what could have been different that night.
I feel a different kind of feeling when I visit him now.
Something in between peace and closure.
I'll always feel deep pain for his death. I'll live with the reality that he is gone because of my brother, forever.
But I'm beginning to heal. I'm starting to feel that he is happy where he is. He forgives my brother. And appreciates my heart for his family and their pain and loss.
I felt slightly comforted visiting him this time.
I feel it's a testimate to who he was is. I remember him as always smiling and happy and light hearted and kind. I'm sure he's all those things and many more now.
And I know that those eyes and that smile will meet me in Heaven one day and none of this will matter anymore.
Until then, I think of him often and pray for his son.
Filed under Deep, raw by . 18 Comments.
