I was in this weird place last night. Really weird, numb, far-too-comfortable-than-it-should-be-place that I get in more than I should, but not as much as I used to. Painful stuff from my childhood washes over my heart and crashes into painful stuff from my adulthood, turning my heart into a puddle of sorrow and pity.
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It had been over a week since anyone had heard from my brother. This is unusual, something in my spirit told me something had happened. I began worrying that he'd been assaulted or was sick or maybe was in solitary again.
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Moments float by, easily missed in the mayhem of each day.
The noise and the pulling and tugging of daily tasks keep one's mind busy and unfocused.
So many moments are left to move on without me, leaving me sitting on the sidelines with fatigue.
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in pain.
much pain today.
the lyme is getting worse.
i'm counting down the days until my LLMD appointment next month.
next month.
too long.
i'm lucky to have gotten in that soon.
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It …
it has been nearly five years since the morning that shook all our worlds to the deepest core.
five years.
often it feels like 50 years, not 5.
then other times I remember so vividly what it felt like to see my brother walk into our home for dinner that it feels like just yesterday.
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