My Tribe
I have so many beautiful friendships with women I've never met in person. Most of which I'll likely never meet in person, or maybe never even speak to on the phone.
We share each others lives through our blogs and personal email. We send cards and sometimes gifts. We share our hearts and our hopes and our pain and our kids and our deep thoughts.
And it's so very special.
For without these special ladies, I'd have no tribe.
But I must admit that I wish desperately for a tribe of local ladies. A group of close friendships, with like-minded Mother's, that live in driving distance from me.
Women that would come together once a month, or more, for drinks or dinner or shopping. Women that would always be there for each other in the tough times and in the great times. Women that would love my kids as much as I did theirs.
Ladies that were all close and share something deep.
I've never had that. Not really. I've had a few close friendships, but never a real tribe of women that all knew each other and loved each other in that way.
I know it exists, but it continues to elude me.
I'll meet really special women and they'll always end up living hours, or states, or even oceans away from me.
And that was always okay with me growing up. Maybe I'm a bit of a loner by nature. Maybe I adopted some of that from my own Mother, who has never had any really close friendships with women. Maybe it's learned, or just my personality, or just plain bad luck.
Whatever the reason, I just know that the older I get the more I want my own tribe. Now that I have children, work from home, am married… I want those bonds with women more than ever. People that I can relate to and they relate to me.
So, I suppose it's time I do something about that… they won't come knocking on my door. But putting yourself out there, even if you knew where to find such friends, has never been something I can easily do. Not only that, but I think the Internet has ruined me a bit on offline friendships.
Blogging allows you to get to know someone right away. You can look through all their past blog posts, see what they tweet about, and get a really good feeling for whether you'd clique or not.
Offline there is no such thing. Unless you're blessed enough to have best friends who also blog.
So, you see, here I am stuck in the middle of wanting something, and being totally unsure as to how to get what I want. Or if I'd really, really want it once I had it. After all, I've never experienced a large, super close group of girlfriends before.
Friendships are super important. And becoming even more so the older I become.
So if there's anyone out there with young children, who works from home, and blogs, and tweets, and loves God, and is passionate about eating healthy and living healthy AND lives in my area… lets meet! HA! Now that is a tall order, isn't it?
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Comments on My Tribe
Nell, this is something I struggle with so deeply! And why I love the blogging community…
I was in a mommy group for just about a year. And truthfully, it was helpful for Fynn's social skills, but ended up being torture for me. Because the women weren't like us (I say us because I feel that you and I are very similar!). I found myself listening more than participating, shielding my kids from bullies, (and myself from the bully moms…) Just not good. So now I have a few friends we have playdates with, but I don't feel that connection that I feel with so many other bloggers. We bear more up front in the blog world than in mommy date world. That might be part of it.
Wish you were closer!!
Corinne´s last blog ..Bits of Fynn
@Corinne:
Corrine, I know exactly what you mean. It's SO hard for me to meet other women that I really feel connected with. Out of the hundreds of Mom bloggers I know online, only a very small few do I feel that true connection with. You being one, of course!
I just wish I could fly all those bloggers out to my house once a week for a Mom get together
It really isn't easy to find Mom's that I can relate to and trust and feel connected with on a deep level. I don't like superficial friendships… so, it isn't easy.
Hopefully we'll meet one day!
Nell
Dear Nell.
I understand their is so many wonderful Mama that we meet while reading their blog that you feel part of their life and feel so close to but yet live so far! You are one of them, I'm glad that we meet over here reading but still wish I could one day meet you in real life. (and yes hopefully before God bring us together in heaven)
Blessing
Renee´s last blog ..But I want to be pretty!
If we lived closer, I'd be over TODAY! I so wish that was possible…
I feel so much the same way. I tend to shy up in person, so I feel held back to go & get 'em when it comes to making new friends. I have a few people locally that I've treaded water with, but never taken the plunge. Maybe after you do I'll muster up the courage.
You're an awesome person, Nell, and your tribe-to-be will be blessed to have you.
Sharon´s last blog ..Menu Plan Monday–January 11, 2010
Because I move a lot, I've had a lot of time to think about how I make friendships. I've approached it different ways over the years but since this move I've made a conscious decision to take the focus off of what I want in a friendship. I have to tell you that I hang out with people I would have never chosen to hang out with in the past. People who I really don't have that much in common with, but who also desperately needed friendship. I put myself out there and discovered people who were longing for connection and struggling to find it. Well, now we have it. Is it filled with long nights of sharing our souls? No, but maybe someday.
I think through this process I discovered a lot about myself and I am really enjoying just taking the time to love on others, in spite of myself
Andrea´s last blog ..My favorite little top
My mother struggled with the same thing when we were growing up, and she didn't even have internet. She says that we are all really lucky to be able to connect even if it is just through a computer screen. However, I still feel the lack of a physically present "tribe" as you put it. I go to a weekly playgroup. I like the women in it, but we parent very differently. Although, we are all kind and understanding towards one another, I don't feel a deep connection. I shouldn't complain too much because they are exceptionally sweet women, and I'm lucky to know them. It's just that we mothers tend to be thrown together based on our proximity and the age of our children, so it can be hard to find other mothers that we have a lot in common with. Good luck on finding your tribe! I'll actually be looking for one soon too when we move.
What a heartfelt post. Thank you for sharing. I can completely understand your longing for deep rooted friendships that are close in proximity as well. Thankfully I live in an area with a great community. I am reminded not to take it for granted and to cherish the friendships that I do have. And…I call 'em girlfriends, so you are not out of any modern loop! As I think of it, I will pray that you are able to connect with some really neat women in the next few months. Thanks for being willing to share about this.
Nini Lettner´s last blog ..:: Bedhead ::
I can totally relate to this, Nell! It was way easier to make {and keep} friends when I was working and able to get out more. Now if I get time away from my kids, I usually just want to be alone. But I certainly do long for a local "tribe" as well. I'm so thankful for online friends because without them I'd be a total loner. However, I believe heavily that if something is on your heart, God will help it come to fruition. Remember this post…I believe that soon you'll have your tribe. Perhaps not in the easy, obvious way…but in a really great way! Thanks for sharing!
I hear you Nell, I hear you.
We aren't too far apart – how about we try to meet sometime in the next month, I think this weather is finally about to give us a break!
Jenn
Blessed´s last blog ..My Moment of Parenting Genius
I can so identify with this! Finding & making friends who are similar to me is so much more difficult now that it ever has been. I wish I had a "tribe" of friends who shared some (not all, but at least some!) of the beliefs, values and goals that I have. It can get old explaining why I choose to parent, eat or do whatever the way I do time and time again.
Heather G´s last blog ..Todays Mama Giveaway
There's always a way when we want to achieve something in our life. But first we must look upon ourselves and see what's preventing us from getting what we want. Earning friendship can be learned, it only takes the right attitude. From my observation, people who resonates kindness, friendliness, sincerity and generosity attracts the attention of many would-be friends. Wearing a smile is an excellent start.
I am with you on that! I wish so badly we lived a driving distance from each other! Someday the money I save for one of the conferences won't have to go for something else and may be we can meet at a conference
At any rate, I'll be part of your online tribe 
Miche´s last blog ..Grocery Shopping
I so identify with this, Nell. And, if I lived in your neighborhood, I'd be driving over there right now to pick you up to go out for ice cream with you!
I am fortunate to have some amazing bloggers and friends in my local area, but I need to make more time for them. A monthly gathering sounds good…now, you have my wheels spinning.
- Stephanie
Stephanie´s last blog ..8 Things I Love About Working From Home
Don't you want to move to Tucson? It's where all the cool bloggers live!!
And it's warm…
Becca – Our Crazy Boys´s last blog ..Following My Bliss
Nell, I really hope you can find a local tribe. I have one, and I wouldn't trade it for ANYTHING! We are a group of moms who live in our small community, our kids (for the most part) all go to the same school (which is private, so we all to some extent have similar values), and honestly we would do ANYTHING for each other! We all love each others kids, watch each others kids, cry on each others shoulders, celebrate with each other, and most importantly trust each other. We meet for Bible Study every other week, see each other at school each day (there are no buses here, so we see each other at drop off & pick-up), we have a fun mom's night out once a month, connect daily with each other on Facebook, and get together individually throughout the month. I wouldn't trade it for anything! One suggestion would be to find out if you have a MOPS group in your area… or have you tried just doing a search for playgroups in your area? I did that when we moved and I had no idea who anyone was in town and that helped a ton too! For now, hang in there, and know that your bloggy friends are always here for you!
Christine Steendahl´s last blog ..Hoppertogs
I hear ya. I don't have that either. I don't know if that's possible, even. A tribe of like-minded women… girlfriends in person… kindred spirits. I hope you find yours. I'm still looking for mine.
WackyMummy´s last blog ..this morning
I'm with Becca. All the cool bloggers are in Tucson, AZ.
And it's sunshiny. And we could form our own tribe. What do you say?
Stephanie´s last blog ..Here In The Darkness
HM. I seem to find a group of friends wherever I go, but it takes time, and I can't say they are always kindred spirits. But I grow to appreciate them for who they are, for our similarities, AND our differences, kwim? And it DEFINITELY takes time. (hug) I hope you find your tribe. It's nice to find good friends online, but nothing quite takes the place of friends in real life who can bring you dinner or lend an ear when you need it. I wish you lived near me. I know we would hit it off!
Musings of a Housewife´s last blog ..NYC with Martha
I have one close friend who i refer to as my sister. We have been through it all together and in the end i love and trust her asif the same blood runs through our veins. I do have a few other friends but i am not close with them like i am with her and usually can go weeks without really talking to them.
I too wish i had that tribe but it seems most groups tend to push me out since i am a young mother (had my first child at 18). I dont feel accepted and and end up isolated. That is why i prefer the internet. People are not as judgemental and accept me for who i am not my age or any other factor.
Courtney@ChaosIsUs´s last blog ..Sione' – 2 Months
Every time I read your posts I can totally relate. I think all women can…I think it's harder for us to make those connections than men for some reason. For the longest time I didn't connect with other women on a deeper level (not since my high school friends). But, I took a big risk and moved out of state, quit my job, and became a stay-at-home-mom. I tried a couple of moms groups, and tried to connect with neighbors. All were nice people, but I didn't connect. Then I found my current moms group, and I seriously connect with about 3 of the other women. So keep trying, don't give up. The reason I think I connected with them is because they are real and aren't afraid to talk about the "lows" of motherhood as well as the "highs". I think that's why it's easier to make "blogging" friends. Bloggers pour out their soul in some of their posts because there is a sort of anonymity in blogging. So you feel like you REALLY know other bloggers. But, when you meet with women in "real" life, there is a certain facade up that you have to break through. And most women don't feel comfortable enough to let this facade down. We all feel like we have to be perfect, and are afraid to own up to our imperfections. Anyway, that's what I think the problem is. I hope you do find your local "tribe". I think you will if you keep looking and putting yourself out there. I'm looking forward to reading your new blog, too.
Hi Nell,
This is a wonderful post. It truly spoke to me. I know exactly how you are feeling. I am thankful though for this online world of friends to keep things interesting. Feel free (and all of you who commented too!) to keep in touch with me. Stop by my blog Blessings from Above, http://blessingsfromabove2blogspot.com and say hi! I've subscribed to your blog and I am looking forward to reading more about you and your world.
Blessings!
Denise