What Might Have Been
I feel like I need to disclose up front that I adore my boys, and their little boy faces, and dirty little bodies. I know I'm going to experience really sweet moments with them as they get older, and will have a close relationship with them all. They are my great gifts from God, and I take raising them seriously. They are my heart.
Having said that, I feel like I must admit that I'm feeling a bit weepy that I'll miss out on the joy of a daughter. You see, my husband is totally done having children. And if I'm being honest, I know my body can't handle another pregnancy. There is that still small hope that maybe one day I'll adopt a baby, but somehow feel the odds of that are stacked against me.
But even still my heart can't help but long for the little girl that never came to be. The sweet, brown haired, brown eyed, chunky baby girl named Violet that will be born to someone else. I think about little dresses and bows, and the sweet little voice of a girl filling the house. I think about special Mother and Daughter dates, painting our toe nails, doing each others hair, and talking about what boy she thinks is cute.
I really get weepy when I think about that little girl all grown up, walking down the aisle toward her forever mate, and being there when she becomes a Mother for the first time. Holding her hand like my Mother did, reassuring her that everything will be okay, and loving her like it was the first time I laid eyes on her, all over again, when she meets her new baby.
I can have moments similar with my son's, and hopefully I'll be very close to their wives, but there will always be that piece of my life that I feel will be missing.
I'm not sitting in a corner crying about this, mind you. I'm not deeply sad, or depressed, or upset about it. Just every now and then when I see a Mother and her sweet little daughter it'll hit me… that is something I wish I could have had.
And when I look through my many scrapbooks my Mother made of me, I think how much fun it would be to dress her up, and revel in her sweet beauty.
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Comments on What Might Have Been
Beautiful post, and I feel like it's such a tribute to the mother-daughter relationship.
I often go through this in my own head. We have 2 boys. We know we're not done having kids, and I've always loved the thought of having all boys. But it DOES creep into my head..what would it be like w/ a daughter?
I don't mean this to say you DON'T know you're done. Only you would know. I'm just thinking that I've known a few people to say they're done, only to change their mind later on down the road. Who knows what's in store?
Hugs to you! You certainly have 3 adorable boys.
Sharons last blog post..You're Gonna Miss This…Moment
I know, I have two boys! Never got to enjoy going down the doll aisle at the toy store, having pedicures together, etc.!
But I do have friends that have daughters and I have borrowed their daughters occasionally. We've watched "chick flicks" together, and laughed and ate popcorn. We've gone shopping to the mall together.
My friends are happy to have loaned their daughters over the years, and I've enjoyed it as well!
momsthewords last blog post..MAKING YOUR HOME SING MONDAY: YOUR EXPECTATIONS
I have often thought that I'd wind up with all boys myself, but that's probably just because when you have a boy it's hard to imagine parenting a girl. I would love to experience both, though who knows what is meant to be.
I think it's a perfectly acceptable thing to "mourn" the loss of of what you imagined it would be like… if that makes sense.
Mama Ks last blog post..energy?
Have you a magic mirror into my life today? We have 2 boys. My husband is also done having kids, much to my sadness. I never imagined being the mom of only boys. I'll admit I miss a girl. Love my boys, but miss what could have been too, you know? Wish my husband could understand. But I'm glad there's someone out there, like you, who does. I needed it today.
Oh my gosh- that is you!! So precious.
Steph
Adventures In Babywearings last blog post..Drink
I know how you feel! As i am expecting baby 3 right now and waiting not so patiently to find out if it is a he or she, i find myself day dreaming about bows and dresses! I find my mind wondering over a scenario where her 2 older brothers run off her boyfriend to protect her gentle heart. I know how you feel!And i love my boys to pieces!
Courtneys last blog post..How Did We Get Here?
I could have written this. I love all four of my boys, but I'm sad that I may never have a curly redheaded girl.
Elizabeths last blog post..Summer Reading & a Giveaway!
Nell…. your post hits right at home for me. I know what you mean, esp. after we where told we where having a girl. All that we had done to prepare for a girl, and then that little girl to be a boy. I would not trade Chandler for nothing! My heart still aches for a little girl though, a little girl I know I will never have. I know we are done having kids. Maybe one day I will have a little granddaughter or two to enjoy some of these girl things with.
God knows what's best for us and I have to trust in that.
Cindys last blog post..
Cute pictures! This post really touched me as I'm on the verge of finding out whether my second child is a boy or a girl. If it's a boy, like my first, I'm not sure I will have the strength to try again for a third, to get that girl. Like you, I would probably always feel like I missed out a bit, even though I absolutely adore having my son.
You have a wonderful relationship with your mom, and I do mine, so I think it's natural for us to want to experience that again. I know this is a ways off, but grandaughters are always a high probability when you have all boys. AND, you get all the fun of spoiling them!
Those scrapbook pics from your mom are very sweet, and yes, I can see through your heartfelt words how they hold precious memories for you and where this might make you long to have the same experiences. What a blessing you have been given through your relationship with your mom. Take the beauty of those moments and cherish them with your boys.
Of course, you can't play dress up with the boys, but hey, you can teach them how to be great shoppers for their futuuuure wives… ha!
Ginger
Gingers last blog post..My Fun New Avatars!
I was on the other side of the fence…had 3 girls, never thought I'd get to enjoy a son. Life really does hand us surprises couldn't foresee, so who knows?
And you'll be a shoo-in for favorite Grandma when that time comes. I'm sure of it.
Wendys last blog post..Getting In Touch With My Crunchy Self
Oh, Nell…what a sweet post. I grew up with three brothers and just expected to have boys and got two girls instead. Life is full of surprises – I'm guessing some lucky girl will enter your life and you'll have your chance to spoil her rotten.
Nell, I am totally with you. I adore having boys, but every so often (like at the Disney store surrounded by princess dresses) I do wish (and still hope) that our next child might be a daughter because I know we will probably stop at 3 (since then we will fill up the car) but then I feel guilty because it will be OK if our next is another boy-I'd just love to buy a princess dress though
You had such a lovely way to say it 
Hugs!
Miche@CoordinatedChaoss last blog post..Finally Here
This a beautiful, heartfelt post.
My husband and I have been talking about whether we want to have another baby, adopt, or be "done." In some ways, we both wonder what it would be like to have a boy. But then again…we'd be totally happy with all girls too.
Stephanies last blog post..Tuesday Tours: What’s Happening on the Web
I think my husband feels very similarly about having all girls. He adores all 3 of them, but I know he misses having a little boy to do all the 'guy' stuff with. I don't know yet if we're done or not with having children, but it's certainly not going to happen any time soon. And to be realistic, probably never – but we're leaving options open, just in case. I know he would be really devastated if we had another girl though.
I don't know that I really miss having a little boy or not – I don't really have anything to compare all these girls to.
Nell,
I absolutely could have written this post a year ago. I was content with my 3 boys… but just had that little part of my heart that really really wanted a girl… We weren't planning on having anymore…. but I had poured my heart out to God a few times, and he decided to bless us with Annika. I think it goes either way – God will bring you contentment with what you have, or perhaps He will bless you with a surprise one day… I know quite a few families who had 3 boys and the 4th was a girl!
Christines last blog post..Road Trip – Day 4
I'm sure that's tough. My husband and I (when we just had our two boys) wondered if our family would be complete if we never got a little girl. But she came around as our third.
Summers last blog post..One Hundred Twenty Five
Well we found out that our second is a boy. I was totally wrong as I thought it was a girl, but really happy at this point. We might try again for a girl, buy it will really depend on how easy the next baby is. If we never have a girl, I'm sure at some point I will have to deal with the emotions of that. Seeing little girl clothes is when it hits me the most. So cute!
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